When you're in love, red flags often look like roses. You tell yourself, "He's just tired," or "She's just under pressure," and you explain away the uneasiness in your gut. But the truth is, those "little things" were not little at all. Looking back, the signs were flashing like warning sirens; I just wasn't ready to listen.
This post isn't about shame. It's about clarity. Because naming the red flags helps another woman step out before it's too late.
The First Flicker of Doubt
Early on, some moments didn't sit right. The small lies about where he had been. The excuses that didn't quite add up. The way he would flip situations around until I was the one apologizing.
At the time, I brushed it off as stress, bad timing, or just a misunderstanding. But the truth? That was the con already at work, teaching me to doubt myself instead of him.
The Emotional Manipulation
One of the clearest red flags was how he used emotions as a weapon.
If I questioned him, I was "too sensitive."
If I pulled back, I was "cold."
If I pushed forward, I was "clingy."
It was a never-ending maze where the rules kept changing. No matter how I responded, I was wrong, and he was the victim. That's how gaslighting thrives; it erodes your confidence until you trust their lies more than your own instincts.
The Isolation
Another red flag? Slowly being pulled away from the people who truly loved me. Friends, I rarely saw anymore. Family I stopped confiding in. Every con artist knows that isolation creates control.
The Financial Games
Money tells the truth that people try to hide. Looking back, there were always excuses about where the money went, sudden "emergencies," or half-answers that kept me confused. Finances are often the playground for manipulation because if they control the resources, they control your options.
The Lesson
The red flags were always there. I just didn't have the language, or maybe the courage, to name them. But hindsight gave me a gift: the ability to recognize patterns.
Now I know:
- Silence after lies is a red flag.
- Repeated excuses are a red flag.
- Isolation is a red flag.
- Feeling like you have to shrink to stay is the biggest red flag of all.
It's easy to beat yourself up for not leaving sooner, for not "seeing the signs." But here's the truth: we see what we're ready to see. And when we're ready, we act.
Sharing my red flags isn't about regret; it's about recognition. So the next time your intuition whispers, don't shush it. Don't water it down. Believe it. It just might save you from your own long con.
Have you ever looked back and seen red flags you missed in the moment? Drop one in the comments so another woman knows she's not alone in her hindsight.
Purchase the Long Con: https://books.by/prose-nd-ink-publishing
✍🏾 Published by pRose &nd Ink | Written by Dr. Tonya Johnson
With love and fire,
Ms. Bina
The Renaissance Woman the Algorithm Warned You About
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